Earlybirds chats to mum Sally Polidano

This November 22 marks a milestone for Earlybirds – we are turning 18! To celebrate our birthday and to thank our amazing community for their continued support, Earlybirds has asked some very special mums to share their motherhood journey for our blog. Earlybirds recognises how important it is for parents of sick and premature babies to share and hear each other’s stories. 

Here is our chat with the amazing Sally!

Baby Leo when he was four days old in his first outfit - it was from Earlybirds!

1. How old was your baby when they were born and what did they weigh? How old are they now and what do they weigh?

Leo was born at 37+2 weeks, weighing 1.98kg (4lbs3oz). I was induced due to Leo having severe IUGR. Leo has now just turned 18 months and weighs 9.3kg (nearly double digits)!

2. What is the one thing you wish someone had told you before your baby was born?

I wish someone told me that if things don't go to plan, then that's okay - your baby’s birth story doesn't define you as a mum. Keep your support network strong, don't be afraid to ask for help, and most of all don't blame yourself for any complications that are out of your control that may arise. 

3. Did your baby spend time in NICU? What was the most challenging part of NICU?

Leo spent 10 days in the Special Care Unit (SCU) and was able to be discharged as a Hospital In The Home (HITH) patient (it’s as it sounds, hospital care from the comfort of your home), once he reached 2kg. 

The most challenging part of having Leo in the SCU was being separated from him. I wasn't mobile, and I wasn't well either. I needed care on the ward, and IV antibiotics to stop infection after complications from birth. The SCU was a decent walk away from the maternity ward, and at that point in time it hurt to even sit in a wheelchair, let alone get in one. My husband was between the maternity ward and the SCU so our family was divided for the first four days of Leo's life.

I felt like I wasn't a mum and that everyone knew my Leo and what was best for him better than I did. A feeling I never imagined or expected, and hence was struggling to deal with. 

4. What was your most exciting ‘premmie first’? E.g. the first time you were able to hold them, the first your baby could breathe on their own.

The most exciting time for me was when I was able to hold my Leo for the first time with my husband Eric (he hadn't held him either). After Leo’s initial treatment after birth, he was placed straight into the humidicrib. I got to hold Leo on March 27th at 11.50am, 14.5 excruciating hours after he was born on March 26th at 9.28pm.

5. What was your baby’s first word?

Leo's first word was mum, he said this on December 22nd when he was nearly nine months old. However, this was closely followed and strongly dominated by Dad! 

6. What is their favourite toy at the moment?

Leo has a ‘Fur Real’ interactive Simba (from the Lion King), which his Nanny brought for him, and he adores it! He gives Simba kisses and feeds him.

7. What advice would you give to first-time parents of a sick or premmie baby?

Take each day as it comes, don't focus on the situation as a whole. Just take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Your strength will surprise when you feel completely defeated. Don't put any expectations or pressure on yourself, try not to blame yourself for the outcome (this is the hardest one). 

Have a close support network and don't be afraid to ask for help, people will want to help, but they won't know how. Also, on the contrary don't be afraid to ask for space, to be with your baby, your support person or partner. Don't be afraid to have difficult conversations in order to set boundaries with things you aren't comfortable with!

8. What does parenthood mean to you?

It is everything. Having a sick baby, who at the time of his birth we thought wasn't going to survive, helped us appreciate all the good times and the difficult. Parenthood is sacrifice, courage, strength and determination. Parenthood is being the best version of yourself you can possibly be for your child. 

Leo means the world to my husband and I, and everything we do in life is for him and his future. Being Leo's parents is the greatest privilege we have ever been given. 

9. Could you share a favourite picture of your baby?

See attached - I've attached a before, from when Leo was about four days old, and one that was just taken last week! 

10. What is some of the most memorable support you have received from family/friends/health workers?

My beautiful mum brought in hot meals to the hospital for us. Every parent who has stayed in the SCU or NICU will tell you how amazing that first hot, home cooked meal is! 

Our best friend made sure that our dog was played with, walked and fed every day so we didn't have to leave Leo to come home. 

Family and friends went straight out to buy, wash and give us premmie clothes for Leo (once he was allowed to wear them) as nothing fit him. It was such a help and one less thing to worry about. 

I had an amazing team of midwives and nurses who allowed me to grieve and offered their shoulder without me asking. They didn't ask ‘when I'm going to put him on the breast’ and just allowed me to be a scared new mum who had an unexpectedly unwell bub. 

Leo has an amazing paediatrician who has been looking after him from birth and still does now. I had extreme trust issues with every medical professional as time went on in the SCU. Not because of them, but because I kept thinking that something was going to happen to Leo or that they weren't doing the proper tests. I think this was caused by my post-partum anxiety. One day, I was probably about six days post-partum, she said to me “Sally, I don't know you, you don't know me. But one thing I can tell you is that I will not lie to you, you can trust me". That's stayed with me, and she is now such a special part of Leo's journey and I adore her.

11. What are the best things to say or to avoid saying when supporting premmie parents. Could you give an example?

Do's

- We are here for you.

- We don't understand, but we are here to listen and learn.

- You're doing a wonderful job. 

- You're a good mum/dad. Parents confidence is often extremely low and sometimes you need to hear it.

Don’t

- Push to visit unless asked. 

- Ask to hold the baby – time is precious and so is bonding. Chances are the parents haven't had much time to hold either. 

- Say that you understand if you haven't been through it.

- Ask “did you eat much during your pregnancy?” (I get this and it makes me feel responsible).

- Ask if the baby is putting on weight or "do you think he's getting bigger"? We still actually get this from people who have the best of intentions and to them they'll go by kilos. Whereas every single gram counts to us – always has always will, and it's not as easy for small or premmie babies to "catch-up quickly". If the parents want to talk about or celebrate a baby’s weight, they will tell you. 

12. What is your favourite moment with your baby?

We recently discovered that we have baby number two on the way!

We did a gender reveal balloon pop at home, just myself, my husband Eric and Leo. We filmed it to send to our family and friends. 

Leo enjoyed the balloon pop so much and was so happy playing on the floor with all the confetti and mini balloons.

Each time we play the video back to Leo, in the moment that we tell him that he's going to have a baby sister, he screams and laughs with excitement, and my heart melts at how far he's come in his life, and he's now becoming my big boy and a big brother. Such a milestone for him and us!! 

Baby Leo is now 18 months old and can’t wait to meet his baby sister!