Earlybirds chats to mum Maddi Francis

Ashton receiving care in the NICU and now - growing up fast!

1. How old was your baby when they were born and what did they weigh? How old are they now and what do they weigh?

Ashton was born at 30 weeks weighing 1.5kgs. He is now four years old and weighs 17kg.

2. Did your baby spend time in NICU? What was the most challenging part of NICU? 

Ashton spent 6.5 weeks in NICU and Special Care Nursery. The most challenging part for me was the “mum guilt” as we had an 18-month-old at home and at the start no matter where I was I felt guilty for leaving my other baby.

3. What was your most exciting ‘premmie first’?

Without a doubt the first cuddle. I was longing for that and it was an excruciating wait – we had to wait until the end of the week until he was stable enough. As soon as he touched my chest I felt at ease and so did he.

4. What was your baby’s first word?

“Pooh!” Of all things!

5. What is their favourite toy at the moment?

Right now his favourite toys are his cars/trucks or anything that makes noise.

6. What is a funny moment you’ve had with your baby?

In the NICU I was changing his nappy one day from the end of the cot (note: the nurses always do it from the side) when he had an explosion and we set a new NICU record for how far a poonami can go. I was covered from neck to knees and it also hit the wall behind me on the opposite side of the area. I have a photo of me cleaning myself up and nurses cleaning the floor etc.

7. What advice would you give to first-time parents of a sick or premmie baby?

Talk to the other NICU parents around you. Having a premature or sick baby can be very isolating and other people (no matter how badly they want to) just cannot understand what you are going through. Other premmie parents will just get it and they will understand you in a way that others cannot offer and it is very comforting. I made friends for life in our NICU.

8. What does parenthood mean to you?

In a word – everything.

9. Could you share a favourite picture of your baby?

This is a double pic I hope it’s okay, I love it so much as it shows how far he’s come and the beautiful bright eye young boy he’s grown up to be.

10. What was some of the most memorable support you received from families/friends/health workers?

The outpouring of support that we received from family, friends, neighbours, work colleagues and even total strangers was overwhelming in the best possible way. We did not cook a single meal for the entirety of Ashton’s NICU stay. Someone did our laundry for us at one point, it was phenomenal and it’s why I created my non-profit organisation NICU Cheer to pay forward that wonderful support that we received.

11. What are the best things to say or to avoid saying when supporting premmie parents. Could you give an example?

I actually keep a list of these as we get asked a lot, here is just some of the ideas:

- Tell them their baby/ies is/are beautiful, because they are.

- Congratulate them! This so often doesn’t happen when you have a premature baby and it’s just another nice thing about having a baby that NICU parents sadly miss out on.

- Take them food: meals they can reheat and snacks for the hospital are a brilliant help in trying times.

- Ask if you can update your circle of friends for them and if so ask them what they’d like you to say.

- Ask “would you like me to come & sit with you?” (Covid permitting) OR tell them you cannot wait to meet baby when they’re safely home and settled in. And/or ask what time is good to call them for a chat.

- Buy them a gift. Our faves are premmie sized outfits, NICU specific milestone cards, vouchers for the parents to nearby cafes/restaurants/grocery stores etc.

- Go to their home - walk their dog, pick up their laundry for them & return it cleaned & folded. Sweep/mop because believe me after long draining NICU days the last thing in parents minds is housework.

- Say “we’d love to see photos if you’re happy to share them” - NICU parents like all new mothers/fathers are in love with and in awe of their little ones, and often want to share them. Some won’t though so don’t push if they answer is no or not yet. This may be because they feel awkward sharing pictures in case they upset others, so don’t push it or you could make the NICU even more lonely for them.

- If the baby shower was missed throw them one now or do as we did and make it a “Welcome Home Baby” party instead.

- Check in with dad/wife/partner. The other parent is sometimes accidentally forgotten in the NICU journey.

12. What is your favourite moment with your baby?

My favourite moment with Ashton would have to be when, after a long wait due to his autism, he finally began talking this year. He now sings, does the ABCs, can count forward and backwards, uses manners (sometimes), can ask for things on demand and tells us his emotions too. I have never been prouder of him than I have been this year. He has overcome so much in such a short time – he’s a total ball of sunshine and so affectionate. He and his big sister are my world.