On 5 January 2023 mum Jannica welcomed her beautiful twin boys into the world, Angelo and Alijah. Twins run in both Jannica’s family and her husbands so when an early dating scan revealed two heartbeats, they were over the moon and not as shocked or surprised as you might expect hearing such news. What wasn’t expected was their early birth at just 28 weeks, with both boys weighing just over 1kg.
Heartbreakingly, baby Angelo grew his angel wings at 3 days old whilst brother Alijah spent 76 days in NICU and SCN. Jannica and her family honor Angelo’s memory every day, speaking his name, talking to Alijah about his brother, displaying photos and keepsakes in their home, raising money and awareness for the charities that supported them and sharing many photos and memories of Angelo with their friends and family online, especially on important dates to them and the wider premature and baby loss community.
As a premature baby clothing business of over 20 years speaking with families and supporting this special community, as well as founder Lynda’s own time in the NICU, we know that not all babies get to come home and not all twins walk side by side. We feel honoured to have met Jannica and to get to say her beautiful boy's name with her. Recently, Jannica was brave and kind enough to share some of her experience with us in honour of multiple birth awareness week.
Jannica, we are so sorry for the loss of your beautiful twin Angelo. How are you doing today and how has life changed for you in the past two years since his passing?
Thank you so much. I'm doing better than 2 years ago but still have so much pain. I think when losing someone you love, especially a child, will forever cause so much heartache.
Since Angelo’s passing, I have lost my sense of fun and I feel that I am more serious as in I don't laugh as much as I used to. I'm slowly starting to get out of the house more and starting to see family and friends again but I feel different for sure.
Can you share a little about your journey with Angelo and Alijah’s pregnancy and premature birth if you are comfortable to do so?
My pregnancy with the twins was definitely different to my first born, but they say every pregnancy is different. With the twins I did get just a handful of morning sickness at the beginning which I have never experienced before. I also had pelvic girdle pain around my lower back and was tired all the time, but nothing else to really worry about which made me happy because I knew my boys were strong and healthy then.
The days leading up to the birth of my twins I had lost my mucus plug and started to worry. I was worried because with my first birth I lost my mucus plug the day before and she arrived the next day and my water didn't break until I was in hospital and had to start pushing. She also came out pretty quickly for my first birth (less than 4 hours) but she was pretty much spot on at 40 weeks or full term baby. Back to the twins, I went to the hospital and explained to them what has happened and they checked the boys heart and said pretty much I was fine and that the mucus plug can regenerate and then I told them about my first pregnancy so they can compare it and they said just come back in if I have pain and released us. I can't remember if my next appointment was the next day for a scan or 2 days later (the hospital had lost the twins blue book when I gave birth to them). So when I did go in for my scan the sonographer was worried and I told her my mucus plug came out and I was worried too. She said my cervix was short and I should go up to the emergency and let them know, so I did. They checked the boy's heart again and consulted with a doctor and said everything is still OK as long as I don't have pain. I did mention my pain tolerance is pretty good so I'm not sure what kind of pain I'm meant to let them know about. Again, they released me and the next day I had an appointment with a doctor at the hospital, told her everything that has happened so far and she did her normal check up but I wished she had checked my cervix as well. That night I was back in hospital waiting for the receptionist to finish filing away paperwork before she would attend to me but saw a nurse and told her I think my babies want to come out and she took me in right away. They said that I was already dilated and that I should go for a C section which was what I originally wanted and my GP had suggested I do as well but the hospital through my earlier appointments said they do 1000's of births and I would be fine with a natural birth. So I was definitely happy to do a C section, signed the paperwork and received my first injection which was the corticosteroids to help speed up preterm babies lungs development. We were waiting for the anesthesia's to come so I could go ahead with the C section but I was already in active labor and the doctors said if I can't hold off any longer that I can start pushing, so that's what happened. Each twin's water only broke when I pushed (same as my first born). Less than 2 hours later Alijah came out, he was the first born. After he was born a doctor and a midwife tried turning Angelo (he was head down but across) I have no idea how hard they are meant to push, but even I complained that they were hurting me while trying to turn Angelo. Angelo was born breeched and 9 mins after Alijah. Both were rushed to NICU with their own separate teams of doctors and nurses at 28 weeks.
How did you navigate the emotional and physical rollercoaster of having a baby in the NICU and an older child at home while also grieving the loss of your beautiful Angelo?
This was definitely one of the hardest things I have ever done in life. I was fortunate enough to have many wonderful family, friends and neighbours who we consider family that helped out without us asking. We usually don't like to ask for help but we did ask family to take turns in looking after our eldest while my husband and I took turns coming into hospital. Once we got into a routine and school started, it was better but definitely not exciting like it should have been. My husband would drop our eldest at school then go and see Alijah in the morning while I was at home crying all while pumping every 3 hours to continue giving Alijah all the nutrients he needed. Then once I have gathered myself together, my husband would come home for lunch and then I would go in until dinner, say goodnight to Alijah and return home to do bedtime with our eldest. We were very fortunate that my husband didn't have to go into work the whole time the boy's were in NICU and then Alijah in SCU.
While in hospital we were able to have the support of an amazing social worker from the maternity and neonatology team, who helped us step by step in regards to what we can do and what we should do. She was an amazing emotional support person as well for us. Also, our funeral director I believe went well over her job description for all of us, including Angelo as well. We are still in touch with her until today.
What organisations and charities have supported you that others could benefit from hearing about?
The hospital helped organise some beautiful photos of us to be taken with the twin's to create some memories. A lovely lady from Heartfelt took some nice pictures of all of us and our first family photo all together.
When Angelo passed away I received a memory box from Precious Wings. I didn't open the box right away but when one of the nurses said I could create and add more memories of Angelo I did because I never want to forget.
Australian Multiple Birth Association and the Skye High Foundation helped everyone in NICU and SCN realise and remember that Alijah is a twin, and that his twin is no longer with him. They place on the incubator and when he moved to an open cot, a purple butterfly with Angelo's name on it.
I received a beautiful little package from a friend of mine from NICU Cheer, her very thoughtful package had lots of hospital essentials and gifts for all of us.
While still in hospital I met another lady from Life's Little Treasures, she went around and made time to speak to all the mums and dads in NICU and SCN to let them know they are not alone and if we needed to talk or understand something more, she would help us. She also gave us information and directed us to their website to help us understand all these new words and meanings that they use in NICU and SCN. You can also order a little prem pack for you and your little one.
I received some beautiful premmie clothing for Alijah from Earlybirds, which was amazing because it's so hard to find premmie clothes suited for the hospital, especially with all the tubes, cords and monitors the baby's have on them.
There is also a charity that makes handmade funeral gowns for your baby from recycled / donated wedding dresses. We received one from Angel Gowns Australia directly from our funeral director. I wished I had known that we can order smaller sizes directly from them for Angelo, as his funeral gown was too big for him and that was the smallest size our funeral director had. Or maybe if the hospital knew they could also inform bereaved parents to order ahead of time for funerals or even provide them at the hospital.
Sands and Red Nose Australia helped so much when Alijah came home, I was able to speak to a lovely lady about Angelo every week if I wanted to and just cry.
After a few months of being alone, I went on Facebook to find other mums that have also loss a child. I found Angel Parents UK and Worldwide. They make some beautiful little tiles and help create tiles for your little one to remember. I sometimes chat to one of the founder's and she is such a beautiful person with so much to give after her own losses.
At what age and weight did Alijah hit the milestone of wearing clothes? How did it feel to finally be able to dress your baby in “real” clothes?
Alijah was 45 days old the first time we were able to bathe him and put a cute little onesie on. His weight was 2258g. It felt like finally, things are starting to feel a little normal with Alijah. Angelo never had the chance to wear any cute little outfits except the one we buried him in which was a bit big for my little angel.
Once Alijah was able to wear clothes I was really happy with the material from Earlybirds, it's super soft and comfortable, which put my mind at ease knowing he is comfortable too.
What were some of the biggest challenges when it came to dressing Angelo’s brother Alijah in the NICU? Did you find it difficult to find clothing that was suitable for his medical needs?
Definitely finding something to fit him. Then also accommodate all the cords, tubes and wires comfortably and not tangle them all up. I was very lucky and fortunate that I received a few different sizes of clothing from Earlybirds and other organisations that stocked Earlybirds too. So I didn't find it difficult, but if you don't know about Earlybirds I reckon you may have a hard time finding something suitable.
You changed Alijah’s middle name to be the same as Angelos after his passing which is so beautiful. What other ways have you found to honour and remember Angelo?
Thank you. Every year on the twins' birthday we celebrate Alijah and Angelo. In memory of Angelo we ask people to donate to one of the organisations that helped us during the most difficult time of our lives.
We also talk about Angelo all the time, we don't ever want anyone to forget him. Another way we remember Angelo is by reading a personalised twin book that one of my friends from school actually suggested to us and we love.
Also on special memory days as an example “Say their Name Day” we try and do things at home to make these days extra special for Angelo.
Is there anything you wish the baby industry would consider for parents who have experienced loss, such as memorial keepsakes or special clothing options?
Memorial keepsakes are something I google about all the time. To have things around the home that reminds us of Angelo is something I try to do, especially for Alijah. Even though he is still young I feel that he does know about Angelo.
In the UK and USA there are so many more memorial keepsakes for baby loss than in Australia. One thing I thought would be nice is some sort of teddy bear that is the same height as your baby that passed with maybe your baby's name and dates on a shirt that could represent your baby in family photos. That's something that I'm in the process of looking for at the moment.
Another thought I had for multiple birth loss is maybe get on board with other baby loss organisations and maybe make clothing in memory of the loss baby / babies from a multiple birth.
What hopes and dreams do you have for little Alijah?
My hopes and dreams for Alijah is that he is able to live a full and healthy life without any complications.
We hope you found Jannica’s words helpful or comforting if you or someone you know has also experienced baby loss. We know the importance of acknowledging and celebrating all twin families during Multiple Birth Awareness Week. Jannica, we can’t thank you enough for being so vulnerable and sharing your story and precious photos with us. Angelo and Alijah are so lucky to have you as their mum and we are grateful for all that you do to raise money and awareness for this community despite your heartache and pain. We will never forget your beautiful boy.
Jannica is currently raising money for Life's Little Treasure's Foundation in honour of her twins due month. You can donate here.
Here are the links to the organisations she mentioned.
Heartfelt: https://www.heartfelt.org.au
Precious Wings: https://www.preciouswings.org
Life's Little Treasures Foundation: https://www.lifeslittletreasures.org.au
Australian Multiple Birth Association: https://www.amba.org.au/
Angel Gowns Australia: https://www.angelgownsaustralia.org.au
NICU Cheer: https://www.nicucheer.com
Earlybirds: https://www.earlybirds.com.au
Sands: https://www.sands.org.au (Now called Red Nose Grief & Loss)
Red Nose Australia: https://www.rednose.org.au
Skye High Foundation: https://www.skyhighfoundation.org.au
Angel Parents UK and Worldwide Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/angelparentsukandworldwide
